Apr. 10th, 2021 04:13 pm
Some Sakuraiba love for Whenyoudesertme!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cherryleaf posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
sakuraibaexchangeTitle: In a world of darkness, he was the sun of his life.
Pairings: Sho/Aiba
Genres: Slice-of-life
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sakurai Sho, despite being a very reasonable man, has been in love with Aiba Masaki for an unreasonably long time. After a decade, Sho is starting to lose all hopes as Aiba never acknowledged his feelings.
Warnings: Not really.
Author's notes: Dear recipient, I really hesitated a lot with this fic and I really hope you like it.
Dear mods; I bothered you a lot through the exchange, thank you very much for putting up with me!
They were young, maybe too young when they first met. He was a shy boy, and Sho was a troublemaker in their small circle of friends. He was brought in by Ninomiya when Sho was sixteen and Sho clearly remembered what he had said to Nino back then.
“Stop picking up lost puppies from the street,” he had said, clearly not liking the presence of Aiba at first. No, it wasn’t like Sho had any problems with Aiba himself, he just didn’t like that their activities, which were already settled for four, had to be rearranged to the number of five by him.
At first, Aiba was just a shy boy, who tended to stick close to Matsumoto and Ninomiya during their days in school. He was weird, but they were just a weird bunch of teenagers back in the day. Their group consisted of Ohno from the senior year, Sho from the second year, two juniors, Matsumoto and Ninomiya, and finally Aiba. Due to his shy nature, there was no doubt that Ninomiya and Matsumoto couldn’t leave him alone. He was shy but bright boy back then like he was now. Therefore, Sho’s annoyance was short-lived, as he accepted Aiba in their small group of friends.
They had dreams. Some came true, some didn’t. But they were always together even though they had their own lives. They shared the good, the bad, lots of laughter and lots of tears. Sho wouldn’t change those days for anything, and if given the chance, he would choose the same life again.
And about Aiba… well, that was a whole different story.
***
Climbing the stairs of adulthood wasn’t as glorious as he had been told. They all had grown up to be proper adults, a term which Sho wasn’t sure what had meant, but since the words came out of Ohno’s mouth, no one questioned them. Even now, at the age of thirty-five, Sho had no idea what a proper adult was. He was still struggling, still failing, still crying. He just had more money to spend on things now, and that was the only good side of being an adult, maybe. And being an adult meant he should stick to the rules of many people around him.
Being an adult sucks, he thought as he looked at the flimsy folder he got handed by his supervisor. He got an offer to work overseas for two years. Two years in London. A bright chance for his career. He shouldn’t be hesitating about it but he was… He himself wasn’t sure why he was hesitating either.
He grew up in a family where they were constantly away from home due to their jobs. Those were lonely times, and Sho was just a kid. He had always thought that it was a cruel thing to leave a kid all alone for the sake of working. Sho grew up wealthy but very lonely, so he had always thought that, in any situation, he would choose the person he loved over his job. Because money could be retrieved, but the time passed would never return.
However, lucky for him, he didn’t have a wife and kids, and he probably would never have those as he wasn’t interested in women in general. He also didn’t have a boyfriend at the moment. More like, he was the victim of probably the longest unrequited love in history.
Sho heaved a sigh as he closed the folder that contained the offer. He still had some time to think about if he wanted to go or not. For now, he was going to stop looking at the paper with gloom.
The sun was setting on the horizon, dying the sky into scarlet when he left the office building. It was still rush hour so he decided to walk around the bayside for a while to clear his thoughts.
It was certainly a great opportunity for his career, and there was definitely nothing that was stopping him from leaving. But then again, a part of him didn’t want to go. He wasn’t exactly sure why; was it just weird anxiety or was it something else? Was he afraid of leaving his life here behind? Was he simply not eager to live in a foreign country? Questions were drowning his mind.
His thoughts were cut off by an overexcited, very familiar voice calling out his name. Sho closed his eyes. He was the last person he wanted to meet at that moment.
The owner of the voice, Aiba Masaki, rushed to his side holding the leash of three dogs, and smiled at him brightly, and for a second, Sho thought that it was morning all over again.
“Sho-chan, what are you doing here?”
“I work around here, remember?” Sho replied with a stiff smile. “I should ask you the same.”
“I ended up taking a very long route,” he said bashfully, realizing he really had lost track of how much he had walked.
Sho knelt down to pet the dogs. This was the first time he had seen this bunch. All of them were very well-behaved. A white dog with black patches over its fur melted under his touch. “Is this new?” he asked.
“Yes! I got a call to rescue her yesterday, and today is our first day but look how well-behaved and docile they all are!” Aiba said proudly. He worked in a dog rescue center and he was dedicated to his job more than anything. Sho had a chance to see him at work once, and he had never been that thunderstruck in his life. He had known Aiba for more than half of his life, but that day he had encountered a completely different Aiba Masaki. And he had fallen in love with him all over again. Not that it meant anything. Despite telling him his feelings, or at least trying to tell him his feelings, Aiba steadily kept refusing him.
Before he had met Aiba, if asked, Sho would have said that there was no way that he would be in love with the same person for over ten years. Especially in a platonic kind of love. He would have said that, but of course, that was before he met Aiba Masaki.
Aiba Masaki was just… different. He defied the rules of Earth, and everything revolved around him. He was the sun and Sho only realized that he was living in the darkness when he finally got into his life.
“So, what are you up to?” Aiba asked while Sho kept stroking the dogs. He had always thought Sho would be a perfect owner, but he kept saying that a dog required a lot of responsibility and that he wasn’t sure he could commit to one.
“I just got out of the office,” Sho said looking up to Aiba from where he was kneeling. “And I was trying to kill some time to avoid rush hour.”
Aiba checked his wristwatch. “Ah, true.”
A silence fell between them. Sho was still deep in thought as he continued to rub the fur of the dogs, while they were getting excited to receive some affection from the human in front of them. Aiba let him, as he took a look at the sea. Sho only came to the sea when he had some serious thinking to do, and Aiba knew that. He wondered if it was something he could help with.
“Hey, do you want to grab something to eat?” he asked with a smile.
Sho looked at him. The sun was setting behind Aiba and putting a warm halo around him. His smile looked so warm, so inviting, and Sho honestly didn’t have it in him to refuse it. That was the moment he realized.
Ah… he thought solemnly with the new awareness dawning on him. So this was it… He was the reason why Sho didn’t want to leave this town, this life. It wasn’t because he was scared of living in a different country, it wasn’t because he was afraid to leave his life here behind. It was simply because he didn’t want to learn how to live without Aiba in his life.
It was so twisted. Sho had been in love with Aiba for more than half of his life. And he doubted that Aiba didn’t know it. Aiba wasn’t blind nor an idiot, but he aced the act too well for his own good, and he could fool everyone. Everyone aside from Sho. He knew that Aiba knew about his feelings, yet, he didn’t acknowledge them. Simply put, Aiba didn’t want to acknowledge Sho’s affection towards him. And the fact that he couldn’t give up on these feelings, even after such a long time was simply pathetic.
He chuckled at himself, causing Aiba to shoot him a confused glance. He let out a sigh. “I’m so pathetic that I could laugh.”
“Sho-chan?” Aiba asked, confused and worried. He hadn’t seen Sho this troubled for a long time.
“Nothing,” Sho shook his head. “I’m sorry Aiba-kun, let’s go out another day, huh? I’ll head home now.”
Aiba, dumbfounded and very worried, couldn't say anything to stop him as Sho walked away. He held the leash of the three dogs tighter as he stood there not knowing what to do. He watched Sho walk away from him until he could no longer see his figure.
It felt wrong. It felt so horribly wrong. Sho had always been here, where he could reach him. However, at that very moment, Sho felt so far, so out of his reach. It made Aiba feel cold down to his core. There was never a moment where Aiba reached out to Sho and he couldn’t find him there. Over their many years of friendship, over the many years Aiba had lived as a human, this was the only unchanging thing in his life.
But apparently “everything changes” was a true saying, Aiba thought as he watched Sho leave.
***
When Sho made it home with the bags containing his dinner and lots of beer, he felt drained. Apparently, the last thing he needed was his encounter with Aiba. It wasn’t like he blamed him. He had never blamed Aiba. It was all his own fault. He had fallen in love with one of his closest friends and he had never managed to give up on him. He wondered if he sometimes made him uncomfortable. Sho always tried his best to contain his feelings, after being kindly refused twice, but just his presence might have been a nuisance to Aiba. There was no way he could know though. His friend had always accepted him wholly, and he was always so kind and sweet towards Sho that it was impossible to give up on him.
Maybe this was his cue. Maybe this transfer was all he needed to start anew, forget, and get over his feelings for one of his best friends.
Or he was just being rash.
He couldn’t say what it was, as his emotions were a raging storm inside his heart.
That’s when he brought his phone out and opened his contact list. His hands hovered over the names, not knowing which one he should call to ask for some advice. However, before he could press on any names, his phone rang.
Ninomiya Kazunari was the name on the display. Sho frowned, wondering why would Nino be calling him at this hour, before he answered the phone.
“Hey.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hmm, your voice truly does sound gloomy,” Ninomiya commented.
“What?”
“I got a call from Aiba-kun,” he said, as if it explained everything. “He was worried sick about you.”
Sho chuckled. “I’m sorry?”
“Apologies accepted,” Nino hummed. “Remember to apologise to him too.”
Sho bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what to tell Nino when he beat him to it.
“Look, I’ll keep it short. I don’t know what happened, and I doubt you are ready to talk about it, but know that you don’t have to keep it all to yourself,” Nino said with a strangely gentle voice, making Sho smile. Nino tended to act like he didn’t care most of the time, but that was only to disguise how deeply he actually did. “All of us are here.”
“I know, thanks, Nino.”
“That being said, we are going to get yakiniku next week,” Nino blurted out.
“Eh? Really? On what occasion?” Sho asked confused. They weren’t this spontaneous usually.
“Oh-chan’s coming back from his camping trip,” Nino explained with a huff. “And apparently he wants to meet us because he spent three weeks in the woods.” That made Sho laugh out loud. Ohno truly never failed to amaze them. “He must be needing some human interaction. You’re coming right?”
“Of course,” he said. He would never refuse to meet Ohno after all.
“Alright then, see you next week.”
***
A week later, that evening Sho decided not to think about his transfer and just have fun with his friends. And so he did. They ate delicious meat, Jun as always serving them and Nino complaining about Ohno’s tan. As usual, Aiba was laughing loudly at them while Sho kept munching on the meat. Nino sometimes reminded him to slow down, that the meat wasn’t going anywhere, but Sho just countered him by commenting about how delicious it was.
They spent a few hours eating and drinking. He was fairly sure that everyone was getting slightly drunk as Jun started to talk about things like lights and decors while Ohno dozed off. Nino’s voice was getting louder and Sho was feeling the smoky feeling caused by too much alcohol wrapping around his mind. He decided to get up and go out to get some fresh air to clear his head. He grabbed a bottle of water on his way out and he sat down on the bench that was set in front of the shop.
As the cold air hit his face, he inhaled deeply, letting the fuzziness wrapped around his head blow away with the night wind. His mind wandered back to Aiba as he let the silence surround him. He could swear that he had caught Aiba staring at him more than once and he wondered if it was his imagination.
It was true that the last time they saw each other Sho refused Aiba’s invitation, and given the fact that Sho rarely turned Aiba down, he was probably worried. But Sho still felt that he was exaggerating it a bit. Or maybe not. Aiba was a really sensitive person, and despite the fact that he was usually perceived as an airhead – and he rarely acted to prove otherwise – Sho knew Aiba was a very intuitive person and he had sharp observation skills. That was exactly the reason why Sho believed that Aiba knew about his feelings and chose not to acknowledge them. But that was fine. He wasn’t blaming Aiba and he most certainly didn’t want to force him into anything that he didn’t want. He just wondered how would it be to have Aiba as his partner for life, and how it would feel to kiss him, to touch him, to wake up next to him, to see a smile that only belonged to Sho. It was selfish, and he didn’t want to make it more selfish and force his feelings on him.
And maybe this was why he should go away. During this past week, he kept thinking about it over and over again and no matter how hard he thought, leaving – no, accepting the offer, – for his transfer overseas seemed like the best thing to do. He was going to get a raise, explore a lot of new places, learn lots of new things, and it would be a great move for his career. He still had another week before he had to give his answer to the headquarters but he made up his mind to accept the offer so far. But still a part of him was hesitant about it and he couldn’t really put a finger on it yet.
That was the moment the sliding door of the restaurant opened, revealing Aiba who came out as he stretched his back.
“Sho-chan!” he smiled, looking at him.
Sho smiled too. He was really going to miss this smile.
Aiba sat down next to him and neither of them talked for a while. Sho could feel that his friend wanted to say something but was having a hard time putting the words together. Sho didn’t know what to do, or how to help him. They rarely had this kind of heavy atmosphere between them, since Aiba usually softened everything around them.
Sho took a deep breath, wanting to take a lead and clear things between them and give Aiba some relief.
“I’m sorry about the other day,” Sho said, making his friend look at him. “I had a lot to think about.”
“It’s okay,” Aiba shook his head. “I just don’t like it when you keep everything to yourself.”
Sho chuckled. “Well, that’s a bad habit of mine.”
“So, would you like to talk about it?” Aiba asked calmly.
Sho breathed in, looking up to the sky through the small gaps that the buildings provided them. Sho considered if he should tell him or not. He wondered if this was the answer he had been seeking.
Now or never, Sho thought before starting to talk.
“Aiba-kun… I want to tell you something.”
Aiba looked at him, cocking his head to the side to see Sho better. There was an encouraging look on his face. “Go ahead,” he said.
Sho took a deep breath. This was his last chance to tell him his most sincere feelings. He doubted they would be accepted but he was still willing to try. “I love you,” he said looking straight into Aiba’s eyes, which widened, while his mouth gaped.
“Sho-chan, what—” Aiba stuttered but Sho cut him.
“I know I’ve shown my affection towards you on multiple occasions, and I know you slightly felt my feelings towards you. I know, because I know you better than anyone. And I know that you didn’t act on it on purpose. But I can’t go on like this anymore,” Sho’s voice dropped. “For once, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, without any little games or allusions,” he said, not averting his gaze. “No matter where I tried to look, how I tried to avoid it, where I went, you were always the center of my life. I don’t expect an answer from you because I know you don’t want to give me one. I don’t want you to feel bad or blame yourself but I just wanted to tell you that in a world of darkness, you have always been the sun of my life. These are all my sincere feelings, Aiba-kun. Everything I’ve had in my heart all this time and everything I’ve cherished in my heart.”
Aiba looked at him, not being able to utter a word. His eyes were wide with surprise, giving away the fact that he didn’t expect Sho to say those things outright. His mind was blank because of the astonishment, and perhaps that silence was just what Sho needed. He didn’t have the right to feel hurt now, but seeing Aiba’s reaction was different than just knowing. Now, he could move on with his life. Now, he could leave this country knowing that at least Aiba wouldn’t feel awkward about Sho’s feelings every time they would see each other.
He was going to miss his family and his friends here. He was certainly going to miss Ohno’s camping and fishing adventures, Jun’s fashion checks, Nino’s grumpy complaints, and Aiba’s smile. Aiba’s smile mostly. But everything would be okay.
***
“You what?!”
Sho looked at the faces of his friends as they each sported different shocked expressions. It was three days after their yakiniku party, when Sho finally signed the documents for his transfer and handed them to the HR department. He was scheduled to move in three months, and starting from the next week he was going to start attending a training. He was excited about the future. He had been assigned to relocate in London for two years, and then he would come back to Japan with a better position.
And now, on Friday evening of the same week, Sho asked his friends to meet him at the izakaya they frequented to tell them about his decision.
“The offer was nice,” Sho said with a smile. “And it’s a whole new experience so I accepted it.”
Jun let out a sigh. “Well, it will also be a great opportunity for your career…”
“And you can visit us on holidays,” Ohno added, seemingly optimistic. Perhaps, he was the one who understood Sho’s decision better than anyone else, as he also recently quit his job to devote himself to his hobbies.
Only Nino and Aiba were silent throughout the whole conversation. Aiba looked utterly shocked, and Nino was looking at Aiba with a frown. Nino heaved a sigh.
“Well, you’re an adult who can decide by yourself so I’ll just leave you be,” Nino said with a shrug, although he still looked like he didn’t approve of this decision. “You’d better bring a lot of presents from London,” Nino added threateningly with a sly grin.
Aiba continued not saying anything and even though everyone realized it, no one mentioned it.
***
Aiba felt like a huge idiot since the last time he had talked to Sho.
When Sho said all those things to him, Aiba truly felt exposed and didn’t know what to do. He would be lying if he said he had never realized Sho’s feelings until now, but it was the complete truth that he didn’t act upon those feelings for the sake of not hurting him.
He had been friends with Sho for such a long time, and he was able to witness closely what an awesome person Sho had become through the years. Their small circle of friends never changed, something Aiba had always been grateful for, and something he always wished to protect. He didn’t want this friendship to get tainted by something that was as unstable as love. He had always thought what they had was the best, until now. Until he was faced with the fact that he was about to lose Sho.
The first time he had heard about Sho’s transfer, he was shocked. Then, as the news sank in, he was angry. Hadn’t Sho said that he didn’t want to be like his parents, prioritizing his career over the loved ones in his life? Then he came to realize that they were nothing more than friends. Aiba wanted to be able to tell Sho not to go, but friends, true friends, wouldn’t discourage their friends from doing something so important.
It was a contradiction. He didn’t want Sho to leave and this wish had nothing to do with their small circle of friends. He simply didn’t want him to go and yet, he never acknowledged his feelings for such a long time. He had no right to stop Sho from going. But he wanted for nothing more than to be able to stop him.
“You’re annoying me,” Nino grumbled under his breath next to Aiba. He then realized that his character in the game died some time ago.
“I’m sorry Nino!” Aiba said, panicking that he made their team lose the battle.
Nino heaved a sigh, leaving his controller on the table. “Is this about Sho-chan?” Nino asked, hitting the bullseye.
Aiba looked away, not knowing how to answer.
“You know that it’s your fault, right?” Nino said.
“I know…” Aiba accepted. “He’s always been open about his feelings towards me and I have been such a coward to not acknowledge them.”
Nino groaned. “You’re not an idiot because of that,” he sounded like he was so done with everything. “You’re an idiot because you don’t realize your own feelings towards him.” Aiba’s head whipped up, his eyes wide as he looked at his friend. Nino’s expression softened. “You two are the only ones that can’t see the clear affection you have for each other,” he said. “You don’t smile like how you smile at Sho at anyone.”
“I…”
“You don’t have to say anything to me,” Nino interrupted him. “I’m not the one who has to hear what you have to say. And honestly, I don’t think it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t want to see you two this miserable. So, go talk to him. He was sincere with you all this time, now it’s your turn.”
***
It was already past nine pm when Aiba made it to Sho’s house. He stood outside of the apartment, trying to decide what to do. He got there without thinking too much about it, and now this seemed like an awful plan. There were so many things he should have thought on before springing into action. But there he was, and chickening out now seemed so pathetic that he was just standing in front of Sho’s apartment building, hesitating about his next step. It was still cold despite the brutal cold of the winter being over long ago.
Aiba stood there in the freezing weather for a while. He wasn’t sure for how long he hesitated to take another step, because he only came to his senses when his name was called. Aiba jumped in surprise and his eyes widened when he turned his head towards the voice that called him.
“Sho-chan…”
“What are you doing here?” Sho asked, looking rightfully confused.
“I…” Aiba didn’t know what he should say. Being here, standing in front of Sho, felt so stupid. Hadn’t he hurt Sho enough? He was sure that it was too late to realize his own feelings and confess them to his friend, but he also knew that he owed this to him. “I need to tell you something.”
“Is that so? Then come inside? It’s cold out here,” he said shivering, as if to prove his point.
Aiba chuckled. Truly, it was cold, but seeing Sho standing in front of him wearing two grey parkas and camouflage-patterned sweats while holding an eco-bag was still funny. It was so apparent that he went out just to get something from the Family Mart around the corner. Taking pity of him, Aiba nodded and followed Sho inside his house. They were both silent as his friend let him into the living room.
“Oh wow, was this table always this big?” Aiba blurted out when he saw Sho’s empty dining table in the corner of the living room.
Sho laughed. “Well, it was mostly buried under the documents and papers after all. Would you like beer? I don’t really have anything to eat, but we can order something, if you’d like.”
“Beer’s okay,” Aiba sat down on the fluffy carpet that covered the floor in front of the sofa. Sho came holding two beers and sat down across from Aiba, the glass coffee table between them. They busied themselves with their beers for a while, as Aiba tried to find a way to open up about the topic, until Sho decided to break the silence.
“So,” he started. “Is this about the talk ?” Sho asked casually, taking a sip from his beer.
Aiba flinched.
“I am sorry,” Sho exhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with what I said,” he said with a sour smile. “If it will make things better, please forget what I’ve said.”
Aiba bit his lips, frustrated because Sho was reading his actions wrong. And he was sure that even mustering the courage to utter those words must be hurting Sho. He didn’t want that. He didn’t like that. All these years, Sho had always been right next to Aiba, to prevent him from getting hurt or hurting himself. Why couldn’t Aiba do the same for him? Why couldn’t Aiba realize these feelings a bit faster? Then he would have been able to tell Sho not to go. Then he would have been able to be selfish and tell Sho to choose him, not his career. It was too late to stop him now. But it was still not too late to tell him how he felt.
Taking a breath, Aiba leaped into action with this newly found courage. “But I don’t want to.”
That seemed to surprise Sho enough to have him lose his composure.
“I don’t want to forget those words you shared with me,” Aiba continued, this time not expecting a comeback from Sho. “That’s something stupid to say, especially for you, who’s supposed to be the smart one here. You should know that you can’t change the past, and I can’t pretend like nothing happened.”
“But you did,” Sho said. His voice was weak, hesitating to talk. “You did all this time.”
“I did. And I can’t change that too,” Aiba admitted. “But I don’t want to do it from now on.”
“Why?” Sho asked, looking straight at Aiba’s eyes. “Why now?”
“Because I was scared back then,” Aiba admitted. “I was scared by the simple possibility that once we’d date, and once you’d see me like that, you would leave. I thought it wasn’t worth the risk. It wasn’t worth being your lover if I was going to lose you in the end. I chose stability, instead of the possibility of a future where I could be your partner. And I can’t change that,” Aiba looked at Sho with a sad expression. “I never let myself feel what you felt for me, but now… Now, it’s not the same.”
Sho didn’t say anything. Aiba didn’t need him to say anything either, so he continued. “And all these years, I thought being your close friend forever was better than nothing. Until you told us you’re leaving. Until I realized that I, as your close friend, had no place to ask you to stay, to choose me over your career. Because friends wouldn’t do that to each other.”
Silence fell into the room as Aiba finished talking. He was pondering on what he should say next when Sho asked him a very important question.
“So, what do you want to do now?”
“I… I want to tell you my sincere feelings too,” Aiba looked into Sho’s eyes. “If you’d let me.”
Sho bit his lips, clearly not knowing what to do, but after a few seconds he nodded.
“I know it’s too late for me to ask you to stay. But if it’s not too late, I want to wait for you. I want to wait for you here as your close friend and once you come back…”
“Once I come back?” Sho looked almost hopeful, giving Aiba enough courage to ask.
“I want to be more than your close friend, if you’d let me.”
Aiba waited for Sho’s reply for what felt like an eternity. He wouldn’t be surprised if Sho refused him, and he certainly wouldn’t blame him for doing so, but deep down, he was still hopeful. He felt how it would be to lose Sho, and he most certainly didn’t want to experience that ever again.
After what seemed like an eternity, Sho took a deep breath. “You know that I have to serve in the London office for two years, right?”
“I know.”
“And you’ll wait?”
“I will.”
“What if I asked you not to?”
Aiba flinched. “I…”
Sho continued, unfazed by Aiba’s reaction. “What if I asked you not to send me off as a close friend, but as my boyfriend?”
Aiba blinked owlishly. “Um… I guess that's okay? As long as you let me?”
“Then if I suggest we could start with a few dates, before I go?”
“That’s… okay? At least for me?”
“Are you asking me?”
“I don’t know?”
Sho groaned. “Stop phrasing every sentence as a question please.”
“Okay.”
“And will you kiss me?”
“Now?!” Aiba’s voice suddenly became high-pitched because of the surprise. “Isn’t that too early?”
“We have known each other for more than a decade. I think it’s more like... late. ”
Aiba thought about it for a bit. “Fair enough,” he said, finding Sho very right in his argument. He scooted closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body.
Aiba wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect. He had always thought it would be gross to kiss a friend. But they weren’t just friends at this point, and it was so confusing that Aiba felt a headache starting as he thought about it.
Maybe that was the problem.
Maybe he should just stop thinking and kiss Sho. He was sure that his friend had done enough thinking through all these years, and Aiba was going to trust him.
He closed his eyes, hesitantly inching his face closer to Sho’s, and their lips touched. There was no denying that it was probably the most awkward kiss Aiba had ever experienced in his life, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. Sho felt so different that he couldn’t possibly compare him to anyone. It was a whole new experience and it only made him want more.
When they parted, there was a soft blush coloring Sho’s cheeks and Aiba’s heart missed a few beats. He was glowing, and despite the fact that Sho was a very good-looking man, Aiba thought that he’d never looked more beautiful than he did at this very moment.
And this was something he was certainly going to get used to without any problems.
***
Two years, three months, and two days.
That’s how long it took Sho to come back home, to Aiba. His duty in the London office was hard, but despite all the hardships, the promise he had exchanged with Aiba kept him strong.
“I will wait for you here,” was what Aiba promised him. No fancy words were exchanged, and no tears had been shed. Only those words. And those words were enough. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other during these two years. Sho had gone to visit as much as he could, and Aiba even went to London twice. But no matter how much they had met, no matter how much they spoke, they spent a significant amount of time apart. Therefore, this marked something more than just seeing each other. This meant not leaving each other’s side ever again, and Sho couldn’t wait for it.
His eyes didn’t need to search too much to find Aiba in the airport. Their eyes met in mere seconds and Aiba smiled at him brightly. Sho walked towards him, pulling his suitcase with him. All the voices surrounding the airport ceased as he stood in front of his boyfriend.
“Welcome back,” Aiba said with a smile that could brighten the darkest nights. He opened his arms, waiting for Sho.
He didn’t need to wait for too long, as Sho took the last step to hug him. “I’m home,” he said as he buried his face in the crook of Aiba’s neck, inhaling his scent that smelled like sunshine.
Aiba’s arms tightened around him.
Both were home now. And they were never going to be apart again.
Pairings: Sho/Aiba
Genres: Slice-of-life
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sakurai Sho, despite being a very reasonable man, has been in love with Aiba Masaki for an unreasonably long time. After a decade, Sho is starting to lose all hopes as Aiba never acknowledged his feelings.
Warnings: Not really.
Author's notes: Dear recipient, I really hesitated a lot with this fic and I really hope you like it.
Dear mods; I bothered you a lot through the exchange, thank you very much for putting up with me!
They were young, maybe too young when they first met. He was a shy boy, and Sho was a troublemaker in their small circle of friends. He was brought in by Ninomiya when Sho was sixteen and Sho clearly remembered what he had said to Nino back then.
“Stop picking up lost puppies from the street,” he had said, clearly not liking the presence of Aiba at first. No, it wasn’t like Sho had any problems with Aiba himself, he just didn’t like that their activities, which were already settled for four, had to be rearranged to the number of five by him.
At first, Aiba was just a shy boy, who tended to stick close to Matsumoto and Ninomiya during their days in school. He was weird, but they were just a weird bunch of teenagers back in the day. Their group consisted of Ohno from the senior year, Sho from the second year, two juniors, Matsumoto and Ninomiya, and finally Aiba. Due to his shy nature, there was no doubt that Ninomiya and Matsumoto couldn’t leave him alone. He was shy but bright boy back then like he was now. Therefore, Sho’s annoyance was short-lived, as he accepted Aiba in their small group of friends.
They had dreams. Some came true, some didn’t. But they were always together even though they had their own lives. They shared the good, the bad, lots of laughter and lots of tears. Sho wouldn’t change those days for anything, and if given the chance, he would choose the same life again.
And about Aiba… well, that was a whole different story.
***
Climbing the stairs of adulthood wasn’t as glorious as he had been told. They all had grown up to be proper adults, a term which Sho wasn’t sure what had meant, but since the words came out of Ohno’s mouth, no one questioned them. Even now, at the age of thirty-five, Sho had no idea what a proper adult was. He was still struggling, still failing, still crying. He just had more money to spend on things now, and that was the only good side of being an adult, maybe. And being an adult meant he should stick to the rules of many people around him.
Being an adult sucks, he thought as he looked at the flimsy folder he got handed by his supervisor. He got an offer to work overseas for two years. Two years in London. A bright chance for his career. He shouldn’t be hesitating about it but he was… He himself wasn’t sure why he was hesitating either.
He grew up in a family where they were constantly away from home due to their jobs. Those were lonely times, and Sho was just a kid. He had always thought that it was a cruel thing to leave a kid all alone for the sake of working. Sho grew up wealthy but very lonely, so he had always thought that, in any situation, he would choose the person he loved over his job. Because money could be retrieved, but the time passed would never return.
However, lucky for him, he didn’t have a wife and kids, and he probably would never have those as he wasn’t interested in women in general. He also didn’t have a boyfriend at the moment. More like, he was the victim of probably the longest unrequited love in history.
Sho heaved a sigh as he closed the folder that contained the offer. He still had some time to think about if he wanted to go or not. For now, he was going to stop looking at the paper with gloom.
The sun was setting on the horizon, dying the sky into scarlet when he left the office building. It was still rush hour so he decided to walk around the bayside for a while to clear his thoughts.
It was certainly a great opportunity for his career, and there was definitely nothing that was stopping him from leaving. But then again, a part of him didn’t want to go. He wasn’t exactly sure why; was it just weird anxiety or was it something else? Was he afraid of leaving his life here behind? Was he simply not eager to live in a foreign country? Questions were drowning his mind.
His thoughts were cut off by an overexcited, very familiar voice calling out his name. Sho closed his eyes. He was the last person he wanted to meet at that moment.
The owner of the voice, Aiba Masaki, rushed to his side holding the leash of three dogs, and smiled at him brightly, and for a second, Sho thought that it was morning all over again.
“Sho-chan, what are you doing here?”
“I work around here, remember?” Sho replied with a stiff smile. “I should ask you the same.”
“I ended up taking a very long route,” he said bashfully, realizing he really had lost track of how much he had walked.
Sho knelt down to pet the dogs. This was the first time he had seen this bunch. All of them were very well-behaved. A white dog with black patches over its fur melted under his touch. “Is this new?” he asked.
“Yes! I got a call to rescue her yesterday, and today is our first day but look how well-behaved and docile they all are!” Aiba said proudly. He worked in a dog rescue center and he was dedicated to his job more than anything. Sho had a chance to see him at work once, and he had never been that thunderstruck in his life. He had known Aiba for more than half of his life, but that day he had encountered a completely different Aiba Masaki. And he had fallen in love with him all over again. Not that it meant anything. Despite telling him his feelings, or at least trying to tell him his feelings, Aiba steadily kept refusing him.
Before he had met Aiba, if asked, Sho would have said that there was no way that he would be in love with the same person for over ten years. Especially in a platonic kind of love. He would have said that, but of course, that was before he met Aiba Masaki.
Aiba Masaki was just… different. He defied the rules of Earth, and everything revolved around him. He was the sun and Sho only realized that he was living in the darkness when he finally got into his life.
“So, what are you up to?” Aiba asked while Sho kept stroking the dogs. He had always thought Sho would be a perfect owner, but he kept saying that a dog required a lot of responsibility and that he wasn’t sure he could commit to one.
“I just got out of the office,” Sho said looking up to Aiba from where he was kneeling. “And I was trying to kill some time to avoid rush hour.”
Aiba checked his wristwatch. “Ah, true.”
A silence fell between them. Sho was still deep in thought as he continued to rub the fur of the dogs, while they were getting excited to receive some affection from the human in front of them. Aiba let him, as he took a look at the sea. Sho only came to the sea when he had some serious thinking to do, and Aiba knew that. He wondered if it was something he could help with.
“Hey, do you want to grab something to eat?” he asked with a smile.
Sho looked at him. The sun was setting behind Aiba and putting a warm halo around him. His smile looked so warm, so inviting, and Sho honestly didn’t have it in him to refuse it. That was the moment he realized.
Ah… he thought solemnly with the new awareness dawning on him. So this was it… He was the reason why Sho didn’t want to leave this town, this life. It wasn’t because he was scared of living in a different country, it wasn’t because he was afraid to leave his life here behind. It was simply because he didn’t want to learn how to live without Aiba in his life.
It was so twisted. Sho had been in love with Aiba for more than half of his life. And he doubted that Aiba didn’t know it. Aiba wasn’t blind nor an idiot, but he aced the act too well for his own good, and he could fool everyone. Everyone aside from Sho. He knew that Aiba knew about his feelings, yet, he didn’t acknowledge them. Simply put, Aiba didn’t want to acknowledge Sho’s affection towards him. And the fact that he couldn’t give up on these feelings, even after such a long time was simply pathetic.
He chuckled at himself, causing Aiba to shoot him a confused glance. He let out a sigh. “I’m so pathetic that I could laugh.”
“Sho-chan?” Aiba asked, confused and worried. He hadn’t seen Sho this troubled for a long time.
“Nothing,” Sho shook his head. “I’m sorry Aiba-kun, let’s go out another day, huh? I’ll head home now.”
Aiba, dumbfounded and very worried, couldn't say anything to stop him as Sho walked away. He held the leash of the three dogs tighter as he stood there not knowing what to do. He watched Sho walk away from him until he could no longer see his figure.
It felt wrong. It felt so horribly wrong. Sho had always been here, where he could reach him. However, at that very moment, Sho felt so far, so out of his reach. It made Aiba feel cold down to his core. There was never a moment where Aiba reached out to Sho and he couldn’t find him there. Over their many years of friendship, over the many years Aiba had lived as a human, this was the only unchanging thing in his life.
But apparently “everything changes” was a true saying, Aiba thought as he watched Sho leave.
***
When Sho made it home with the bags containing his dinner and lots of beer, he felt drained. Apparently, the last thing he needed was his encounter with Aiba. It wasn’t like he blamed him. He had never blamed Aiba. It was all his own fault. He had fallen in love with one of his closest friends and he had never managed to give up on him. He wondered if he sometimes made him uncomfortable. Sho always tried his best to contain his feelings, after being kindly refused twice, but just his presence might have been a nuisance to Aiba. There was no way he could know though. His friend had always accepted him wholly, and he was always so kind and sweet towards Sho that it was impossible to give up on him.
Maybe this was his cue. Maybe this transfer was all he needed to start anew, forget, and get over his feelings for one of his best friends.
Or he was just being rash.
He couldn’t say what it was, as his emotions were a raging storm inside his heart.
That’s when he brought his phone out and opened his contact list. His hands hovered over the names, not knowing which one he should call to ask for some advice. However, before he could press on any names, his phone rang.
Ninomiya Kazunari was the name on the display. Sho frowned, wondering why would Nino be calling him at this hour, before he answered the phone.
“Hey.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Hmm, your voice truly does sound gloomy,” Ninomiya commented.
“What?”
“I got a call from Aiba-kun,” he said, as if it explained everything. “He was worried sick about you.”
Sho chuckled. “I’m sorry?”
“Apologies accepted,” Nino hummed. “Remember to apologise to him too.”
Sho bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what to tell Nino when he beat him to it.
“Look, I’ll keep it short. I don’t know what happened, and I doubt you are ready to talk about it, but know that you don’t have to keep it all to yourself,” Nino said with a strangely gentle voice, making Sho smile. Nino tended to act like he didn’t care most of the time, but that was only to disguise how deeply he actually did. “All of us are here.”
“I know, thanks, Nino.”
“That being said, we are going to get yakiniku next week,” Nino blurted out.
“Eh? Really? On what occasion?” Sho asked confused. They weren’t this spontaneous usually.
“Oh-chan’s coming back from his camping trip,” Nino explained with a huff. “And apparently he wants to meet us because he spent three weeks in the woods.” That made Sho laugh out loud. Ohno truly never failed to amaze them. “He must be needing some human interaction. You’re coming right?”
“Of course,” he said. He would never refuse to meet Ohno after all.
“Alright then, see you next week.”
***
A week later, that evening Sho decided not to think about his transfer and just have fun with his friends. And so he did. They ate delicious meat, Jun as always serving them and Nino complaining about Ohno’s tan. As usual, Aiba was laughing loudly at them while Sho kept munching on the meat. Nino sometimes reminded him to slow down, that the meat wasn’t going anywhere, but Sho just countered him by commenting about how delicious it was.
They spent a few hours eating and drinking. He was fairly sure that everyone was getting slightly drunk as Jun started to talk about things like lights and decors while Ohno dozed off. Nino’s voice was getting louder and Sho was feeling the smoky feeling caused by too much alcohol wrapping around his mind. He decided to get up and go out to get some fresh air to clear his head. He grabbed a bottle of water on his way out and he sat down on the bench that was set in front of the shop.
As the cold air hit his face, he inhaled deeply, letting the fuzziness wrapped around his head blow away with the night wind. His mind wandered back to Aiba as he let the silence surround him. He could swear that he had caught Aiba staring at him more than once and he wondered if it was his imagination.
It was true that the last time they saw each other Sho refused Aiba’s invitation, and given the fact that Sho rarely turned Aiba down, he was probably worried. But Sho still felt that he was exaggerating it a bit. Or maybe not. Aiba was a really sensitive person, and despite the fact that he was usually perceived as an airhead – and he rarely acted to prove otherwise – Sho knew Aiba was a very intuitive person and he had sharp observation skills. That was exactly the reason why Sho believed that Aiba knew about his feelings and chose not to acknowledge them. But that was fine. He wasn’t blaming Aiba and he most certainly didn’t want to force him into anything that he didn’t want. He just wondered how would it be to have Aiba as his partner for life, and how it would feel to kiss him, to touch him, to wake up next to him, to see a smile that only belonged to Sho. It was selfish, and he didn’t want to make it more selfish and force his feelings on him.
And maybe this was why he should go away. During this past week, he kept thinking about it over and over again and no matter how hard he thought, leaving – no, accepting the offer, – for his transfer overseas seemed like the best thing to do. He was going to get a raise, explore a lot of new places, learn lots of new things, and it would be a great move for his career. He still had another week before he had to give his answer to the headquarters but he made up his mind to accept the offer so far. But still a part of him was hesitant about it and he couldn’t really put a finger on it yet.
That was the moment the sliding door of the restaurant opened, revealing Aiba who came out as he stretched his back.
“Sho-chan!” he smiled, looking at him.
Sho smiled too. He was really going to miss this smile.
Aiba sat down next to him and neither of them talked for a while. Sho could feel that his friend wanted to say something but was having a hard time putting the words together. Sho didn’t know what to do, or how to help him. They rarely had this kind of heavy atmosphere between them, since Aiba usually softened everything around them.
Sho took a deep breath, wanting to take a lead and clear things between them and give Aiba some relief.
“I’m sorry about the other day,” Sho said, making his friend look at him. “I had a lot to think about.”
“It’s okay,” Aiba shook his head. “I just don’t like it when you keep everything to yourself.”
Sho chuckled. “Well, that’s a bad habit of mine.”
“So, would you like to talk about it?” Aiba asked calmly.
Sho breathed in, looking up to the sky through the small gaps that the buildings provided them. Sho considered if he should tell him or not. He wondered if this was the answer he had been seeking.
Now or never, Sho thought before starting to talk.
“Aiba-kun… I want to tell you something.”
Aiba looked at him, cocking his head to the side to see Sho better. There was an encouraging look on his face. “Go ahead,” he said.
Sho took a deep breath. This was his last chance to tell him his most sincere feelings. He doubted they would be accepted but he was still willing to try. “I love you,” he said looking straight into Aiba’s eyes, which widened, while his mouth gaped.
“Sho-chan, what—” Aiba stuttered but Sho cut him.
“I know I’ve shown my affection towards you on multiple occasions, and I know you slightly felt my feelings towards you. I know, because I know you better than anyone. And I know that you didn’t act on it on purpose. But I can’t go on like this anymore,” Sho’s voice dropped. “For once, I wanted to tell you how much I love you, without any little games or allusions,” he said, not averting his gaze. “No matter where I tried to look, how I tried to avoid it, where I went, you were always the center of my life. I don’t expect an answer from you because I know you don’t want to give me one. I don’t want you to feel bad or blame yourself but I just wanted to tell you that in a world of darkness, you have always been the sun of my life. These are all my sincere feelings, Aiba-kun. Everything I’ve had in my heart all this time and everything I’ve cherished in my heart.”
Aiba looked at him, not being able to utter a word. His eyes were wide with surprise, giving away the fact that he didn’t expect Sho to say those things outright. His mind was blank because of the astonishment, and perhaps that silence was just what Sho needed. He didn’t have the right to feel hurt now, but seeing Aiba’s reaction was different than just knowing. Now, he could move on with his life. Now, he could leave this country knowing that at least Aiba wouldn’t feel awkward about Sho’s feelings every time they would see each other.
He was going to miss his family and his friends here. He was certainly going to miss Ohno’s camping and fishing adventures, Jun’s fashion checks, Nino’s grumpy complaints, and Aiba’s smile. Aiba’s smile mostly. But everything would be okay.
***
“You what?!”
Sho looked at the faces of his friends as they each sported different shocked expressions. It was three days after their yakiniku party, when Sho finally signed the documents for his transfer and handed them to the HR department. He was scheduled to move in three months, and starting from the next week he was going to start attending a training. He was excited about the future. He had been assigned to relocate in London for two years, and then he would come back to Japan with a better position.
And now, on Friday evening of the same week, Sho asked his friends to meet him at the izakaya they frequented to tell them about his decision.
“The offer was nice,” Sho said with a smile. “And it’s a whole new experience so I accepted it.”
Jun let out a sigh. “Well, it will also be a great opportunity for your career…”
“And you can visit us on holidays,” Ohno added, seemingly optimistic. Perhaps, he was the one who understood Sho’s decision better than anyone else, as he also recently quit his job to devote himself to his hobbies.
Only Nino and Aiba were silent throughout the whole conversation. Aiba looked utterly shocked, and Nino was looking at Aiba with a frown. Nino heaved a sigh.
“Well, you’re an adult who can decide by yourself so I’ll just leave you be,” Nino said with a shrug, although he still looked like he didn’t approve of this decision. “You’d better bring a lot of presents from London,” Nino added threateningly with a sly grin.
Aiba continued not saying anything and even though everyone realized it, no one mentioned it.
***
Aiba felt like a huge idiot since the last time he had talked to Sho.
When Sho said all those things to him, Aiba truly felt exposed and didn’t know what to do. He would be lying if he said he had never realized Sho’s feelings until now, but it was the complete truth that he didn’t act upon those feelings for the sake of not hurting him.
He had been friends with Sho for such a long time, and he was able to witness closely what an awesome person Sho had become through the years. Their small circle of friends never changed, something Aiba had always been grateful for, and something he always wished to protect. He didn’t want this friendship to get tainted by something that was as unstable as love. He had always thought what they had was the best, until now. Until he was faced with the fact that he was about to lose Sho.
The first time he had heard about Sho’s transfer, he was shocked. Then, as the news sank in, he was angry. Hadn’t Sho said that he didn’t want to be like his parents, prioritizing his career over the loved ones in his life? Then he came to realize that they were nothing more than friends. Aiba wanted to be able to tell Sho not to go, but friends, true friends, wouldn’t discourage their friends from doing something so important.
It was a contradiction. He didn’t want Sho to leave and this wish had nothing to do with their small circle of friends. He simply didn’t want him to go and yet, he never acknowledged his feelings for such a long time. He had no right to stop Sho from going. But he wanted for nothing more than to be able to stop him.
“You’re annoying me,” Nino grumbled under his breath next to Aiba. He then realized that his character in the game died some time ago.
“I’m sorry Nino!” Aiba said, panicking that he made their team lose the battle.
Nino heaved a sigh, leaving his controller on the table. “Is this about Sho-chan?” Nino asked, hitting the bullseye.
Aiba looked away, not knowing how to answer.
“You know that it’s your fault, right?” Nino said.
“I know…” Aiba accepted. “He’s always been open about his feelings towards me and I have been such a coward to not acknowledge them.”
Nino groaned. “You’re not an idiot because of that,” he sounded like he was so done with everything. “You’re an idiot because you don’t realize your own feelings towards him.” Aiba’s head whipped up, his eyes wide as he looked at his friend. Nino’s expression softened. “You two are the only ones that can’t see the clear affection you have for each other,” he said. “You don’t smile like how you smile at Sho at anyone.”
“I…”
“You don’t have to say anything to me,” Nino interrupted him. “I’m not the one who has to hear what you have to say. And honestly, I don’t think it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t want to see you two this miserable. So, go talk to him. He was sincere with you all this time, now it’s your turn.”
***
It was already past nine pm when Aiba made it to Sho’s house. He stood outside of the apartment, trying to decide what to do. He got there without thinking too much about it, and now this seemed like an awful plan. There were so many things he should have thought on before springing into action. But there he was, and chickening out now seemed so pathetic that he was just standing in front of Sho’s apartment building, hesitating about his next step. It was still cold despite the brutal cold of the winter being over long ago.
Aiba stood there in the freezing weather for a while. He wasn’t sure for how long he hesitated to take another step, because he only came to his senses when his name was called. Aiba jumped in surprise and his eyes widened when he turned his head towards the voice that called him.
“Sho-chan…”
“What are you doing here?” Sho asked, looking rightfully confused.
“I…” Aiba didn’t know what he should say. Being here, standing in front of Sho, felt so stupid. Hadn’t he hurt Sho enough? He was sure that it was too late to realize his own feelings and confess them to his friend, but he also knew that he owed this to him. “I need to tell you something.”
“Is that so? Then come inside? It’s cold out here,” he said shivering, as if to prove his point.
Aiba chuckled. Truly, it was cold, but seeing Sho standing in front of him wearing two grey parkas and camouflage-patterned sweats while holding an eco-bag was still funny. It was so apparent that he went out just to get something from the Family Mart around the corner. Taking pity of him, Aiba nodded and followed Sho inside his house. They were both silent as his friend let him into the living room.
“Oh wow, was this table always this big?” Aiba blurted out when he saw Sho’s empty dining table in the corner of the living room.
Sho laughed. “Well, it was mostly buried under the documents and papers after all. Would you like beer? I don’t really have anything to eat, but we can order something, if you’d like.”
“Beer’s okay,” Aiba sat down on the fluffy carpet that covered the floor in front of the sofa. Sho came holding two beers and sat down across from Aiba, the glass coffee table between them. They busied themselves with their beers for a while, as Aiba tried to find a way to open up about the topic, until Sho decided to break the silence.
“So,” he started. “Is this about the talk ?” Sho asked casually, taking a sip from his beer.
Aiba flinched.
“I am sorry,” Sho exhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with what I said,” he said with a sour smile. “If it will make things better, please forget what I’ve said.”
Aiba bit his lips, frustrated because Sho was reading his actions wrong. And he was sure that even mustering the courage to utter those words must be hurting Sho. He didn’t want that. He didn’t like that. All these years, Sho had always been right next to Aiba, to prevent him from getting hurt or hurting himself. Why couldn’t Aiba do the same for him? Why couldn’t Aiba realize these feelings a bit faster? Then he would have been able to tell Sho not to go. Then he would have been able to be selfish and tell Sho to choose him, not his career. It was too late to stop him now. But it was still not too late to tell him how he felt.
Taking a breath, Aiba leaped into action with this newly found courage. “But I don’t want to.”
That seemed to surprise Sho enough to have him lose his composure.
“I don’t want to forget those words you shared with me,” Aiba continued, this time not expecting a comeback from Sho. “That’s something stupid to say, especially for you, who’s supposed to be the smart one here. You should know that you can’t change the past, and I can’t pretend like nothing happened.”
“But you did,” Sho said. His voice was weak, hesitating to talk. “You did all this time.”
“I did. And I can’t change that too,” Aiba admitted. “But I don’t want to do it from now on.”
“Why?” Sho asked, looking straight at Aiba’s eyes. “Why now?”
“Because I was scared back then,” Aiba admitted. “I was scared by the simple possibility that once we’d date, and once you’d see me like that, you would leave. I thought it wasn’t worth the risk. It wasn’t worth being your lover if I was going to lose you in the end. I chose stability, instead of the possibility of a future where I could be your partner. And I can’t change that,” Aiba looked at Sho with a sad expression. “I never let myself feel what you felt for me, but now… Now, it’s not the same.”
Sho didn’t say anything. Aiba didn’t need him to say anything either, so he continued. “And all these years, I thought being your close friend forever was better than nothing. Until you told us you’re leaving. Until I realized that I, as your close friend, had no place to ask you to stay, to choose me over your career. Because friends wouldn’t do that to each other.”
Silence fell into the room as Aiba finished talking. He was pondering on what he should say next when Sho asked him a very important question.
“So, what do you want to do now?”
“I… I want to tell you my sincere feelings too,” Aiba looked into Sho’s eyes. “If you’d let me.”
Sho bit his lips, clearly not knowing what to do, but after a few seconds he nodded.
“I know it’s too late for me to ask you to stay. But if it’s not too late, I want to wait for you. I want to wait for you here as your close friend and once you come back…”
“Once I come back?” Sho looked almost hopeful, giving Aiba enough courage to ask.
“I want to be more than your close friend, if you’d let me.”
Aiba waited for Sho’s reply for what felt like an eternity. He wouldn’t be surprised if Sho refused him, and he certainly wouldn’t blame him for doing so, but deep down, he was still hopeful. He felt how it would be to lose Sho, and he most certainly didn’t want to experience that ever again.
After what seemed like an eternity, Sho took a deep breath. “You know that I have to serve in the London office for two years, right?”
“I know.”
“And you’ll wait?”
“I will.”
“What if I asked you not to?”
Aiba flinched. “I…”
Sho continued, unfazed by Aiba’s reaction. “What if I asked you not to send me off as a close friend, but as my boyfriend?”
Aiba blinked owlishly. “Um… I guess that's okay? As long as you let me?”
“Then if I suggest we could start with a few dates, before I go?”
“That’s… okay? At least for me?”
“Are you asking me?”
“I don’t know?”
Sho groaned. “Stop phrasing every sentence as a question please.”
“Okay.”
“And will you kiss me?”
“Now?!” Aiba’s voice suddenly became high-pitched because of the surprise. “Isn’t that too early?”
“We have known each other for more than a decade. I think it’s more like... late. ”
Aiba thought about it for a bit. “Fair enough,” he said, finding Sho very right in his argument. He scooted closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body.
Aiba wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect. He had always thought it would be gross to kiss a friend. But they weren’t just friends at this point, and it was so confusing that Aiba felt a headache starting as he thought about it.
Maybe that was the problem.
Maybe he should just stop thinking and kiss Sho. He was sure that his friend had done enough thinking through all these years, and Aiba was going to trust him.
He closed his eyes, hesitantly inching his face closer to Sho’s, and their lips touched. There was no denying that it was probably the most awkward kiss Aiba had ever experienced in his life, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. Sho felt so different that he couldn’t possibly compare him to anyone. It was a whole new experience and it only made him want more.
When they parted, there was a soft blush coloring Sho’s cheeks and Aiba’s heart missed a few beats. He was glowing, and despite the fact that Sho was a very good-looking man, Aiba thought that he’d never looked more beautiful than he did at this very moment.
And this was something he was certainly going to get used to without any problems.
***
Two years, three months, and two days.
That’s how long it took Sho to come back home, to Aiba. His duty in the London office was hard, but despite all the hardships, the promise he had exchanged with Aiba kept him strong.
“I will wait for you here,” was what Aiba promised him. No fancy words were exchanged, and no tears had been shed. Only those words. And those words were enough. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other during these two years. Sho had gone to visit as much as he could, and Aiba even went to London twice. But no matter how much they had met, no matter how much they spoke, they spent a significant amount of time apart. Therefore, this marked something more than just seeing each other. This meant not leaving each other’s side ever again, and Sho couldn’t wait for it.
His eyes didn’t need to search too much to find Aiba in the airport. Their eyes met in mere seconds and Aiba smiled at him brightly. Sho walked towards him, pulling his suitcase with him. All the voices surrounding the airport ceased as he stood in front of his boyfriend.
“Welcome back,” Aiba said with a smile that could brighten the darkest nights. He opened his arms, waiting for Sho.
He didn’t need to wait for too long, as Sho took the last step to hug him. “I’m home,” he said as he buried his face in the crook of Aiba’s neck, inhaling his scent that smelled like sunshine.
Aiba’s arms tightened around him.
Both were home now. And they were never going to be apart again.
Tags:
no subject
no subject
This opening scene really sets a tone for the fic, and it's interesting to see the dynamic and how it changes even in this short span. I'm glad Sho couldn't resist Aiba too long. :D
Even now, at the age of thirty-five, Sho had no idea what a proper adult was.
#relates
Sho grew up wealthy but very lonely, so he had always thought that, in any situation, he would choose the person he loved over his job.
Oof, love this backstory.
More like, he was the victim of probably the longest unrequited love in history.
!! TELL ME MORE
Sho had a chance to see him at work once, and he had never been that thunderstruck in his life.
Yes, I too am already in love with devoted dog-rescuer Aiba Masaki.
They ate delicious meat, Jun as always serving them and Nino complaining about Ohno’s tan. As usual, Aiba was laughing loudly at them while Sho kept munching on the meat.
The five of them together!!!!
Sho knew Aiba was a very intuitive person and he had sharp observation skills.
Love this.
you have always been the sun of my life
eeee this whole confession is so great.
“You don’t smile like how you smile at Sho at anyone."
(swoons)
Sho standing in front of him wearing two grey parkas and camouflage-patterned sweats while holding an eco-bag
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
Maybe he should just stop thinking and kiss Sho.
One vote for this solution!!!
Both were home now. And they were never going to be apart again.
SNIFFLES. I'm so glad Sho went, but I'm also so glad they made long-distance work, and I'm ALSO also so glad that now they're together for good!!
WHAT A GOOD ENDING. What a lovely fic! Thank you again for writing this for me--what a gift! I love the five-way friendship lasting many years, and the unrequited love that was requited after all, and their communication and decision-making and affection!!! Once more, thank you! ♥
no subject
Sho finally had his happy ending.
no subject
Thank you~~~
no subject
Aiba going to Sho's place and confessing his love it's just 🥺 Like, the "I want to wait fr you" and then Sho straight up telling him to not wait for him because he wants to be send off as boyfriends asdfghjkl. I love this.
Thank you so much for this fic!! 🌈
no subject
Thank you so much for writing this!
no subject